World (and Lunar) Domination

Submitted via webform to VO5.com, Alberto.com, & the Unilever US & UK sites.  Maybe I’ll get an answer eventually…

Hello Good Citizens of Earth,

I write to you today with questions about your VO5 clarifying shampoo. I have been using one of the vanilla-smelling Tea Therapy shampoos in a frosted bottle that clearly says “CLARIFYING” on the front.

While I find that the product feels great, was a ridiculously low price, and cleans my hair remarkably well (and my wife likes the smell), I believe that the product label may be misleading. I have used over half of the bottle, and I cannot see through my hair at all yet. It is most definitely not clear, and I deduce thusly that it has indeed not been clarified.

You see, my plan is to become completely invisible as soon as possible, in order to further orchestrate my plan for…

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